Thoughts at bedtime

This entry is from a few nights ago, while I was lying in bed unable to fall a sleep. It's a little deeper than most of my entries but I was wide awake due to the pouring rain and howling wind, Nick being out town, the ice on my driveway that I would have to face in the morning on my way to work when we all know I would rather just stay nice and cozy at home. Colette was on my mind so I decided to get my thoughts out.




My daughter. MY DAUGHTER. She isn't just this amazing wonderful baby that I get to play with and take care of, she is going to grow up and be my little girl, then a big girl, and a person in my life forever. It's an interesting thought to feel that I know so much about her, yet really I know nothing about her and what she will be like in the coming years. I can't wait to see her personality bloom and spend those fun kid-years together, although I don't want to rush through a single day along the way.


That first week was hard. And exhausting. But I would love to relive it, even just a few moments. That moment when she entered the world, so tiny, so fragile, so mine. My yearning to grab her right then as love for her consumed me with tears. That all encompassing emotion, holding on to my tiny girl as she snuggled into my chest and slept. I can still feel her that way, I'm hoping that's a feeling that gets to stay with me forever. I remember those first times when she looked at me, actually looked into my eyes and we saw each other. I take for granted now that she looks at me everyday, and now with smiles and giggles which isn't too bad either.


When I go to bed, I love taking that last minute to look over her in her crib. So much bigger it nearly breaks my heart, yet still so tiny. She makes my days so busy but being busy spending time with your daughter is the best way to spend a day. So my carpets need vacuuming and my bathrooms need cleaning - it can all wait until she's sleeping because we'll never get those minutes back. I can't realistically treasure every single moment, but I can make sure that I don't let too many pass without taking time to reflect on how special it all is.


My thoughts today have also included Nick. Not just because I miss him like crazy (after one day alone) or because I also have to take care of all the things he usually does but because I feel loved. I feel blessed to be able to know confidently that he loves me, everyday. Maybe it's because I miss him so much, or maybe it's more crazy hormones running through my body, but regardless there's a lot of love in my little family and that might be the best feeling in the entire world.




I wanted to post this before waiting any longer but there are many pictures to come - soon! (and hopefully a video if I can figure it out!)